Self-honesty

In my experience, I don’t get very far in achieving my goals when I’m not being honest with myself about what I’m thinking and feeling about why I want to achieve said goals.

When I begin working with a client I am deeply interested in their personal goals but to take this further, it’s not so much the goal itself, but why they want to achieve it. I want to understand what brought them to where they are today and what has stopped them from achieving their goals so far.

Interestingly, what I often see with clients is that the goal they want to achieve (for example’s sake they want to lose weight) is not actually the real reason or goal. It’s always what’s underneath that vision of what they think achieving that goal will mean.

It can often look like; “I’ll be happier once I lose this weight” or “I’ll be accepted by xx if I’m less fat/overweight/ugly”…insert relevant adjective. But it’s an illusion! It’s a false promise and not a game we can win. 

If you don’t understand the real WHY underneath the reasons then you will find it difficult to achieve anything in life. When it comes to weight loss for example, I could write on the back of a postcard the formula needed to allow the body to let go of fat. It’s not rocket science and most people know intuitively what the formula is. Follow the formula with commitment and discipline and the outcome will be achieved.

But, what I can’t write out for a client is the underlying reason why they are carrying extra weight in the first place as this takes courage on the part of the client to deep dive into the underlying patterns, habits and actions that led them to where they are now.

That’s my WHY! It’s why I do what I do. I take no real pleasure in the science stuff about nutrition. I get it, I understand it and I use it where necessary. Science doesn’t leave any room for the person sat in front of me with their unique life history, goals, ambitions, thoughts and fears. That’s my job…..to hold space for all of that and encourage more growth and self-acceptance. To show the client where and how their food and lifestyle habits are resulting in their current health experience. Where they truly are carrying too much “weight.”

Self-honesty takes courage. It takes strength. To be able to look inward and see how you are using food to numb and check out of the painful feelings. It’s convenient to not recognise patterns of self-abuse but these patterns played out over weeks, years and decades begins to leave a tell-tale history on the body. The body doesn’t lie…unlike the mind! The mind can make excuses. It justifies and skews the truth to validate a particular outcome.

Ironically in the scenario of weight loss, it’s the lack of self-acceptance that leads to the abuse of food in first place. It’s the denial of self….the feelings of not being seen, heard or of being rejected that make us turn inwards. Seek comfort from something for instant satisfaction followed by a lifetime of guilt and shame.

But what if there was a way where you were the one that seen, heard and honoured yourself? What if you took your attention off of the external world of societal validation and you put that attention on you? What if you found a way to march to the beat of your own drum. A world in which you made choices that truly nourished you and your body.

Your decisions and actions are fully under your control…not anyone else. Honesty is liberation. It’s choice and freedom to move in whatever direction YOU want. You get to drop the act, to drop the distractions and validations. To fully accept yourself. What a weight off!

Interestingly the clients that see the most success are the ones that are ready to do the work. To look inwards with honesty and from that place make a decision to really change. They bring the commitment and discipline needed to set them on the path toward achieving their outcome.

Dig a little under the surface of your goals and you’ll see the truth….the real truth of what needs to change.  

How honest are you ready to be?